This morning I learned that all my forms had been accepted, and that they would make there final decision on wednesday, It's another one of those formallities. I talked about. The tention mounts, and the time just keeps flying by!
I just want it to be over, over!!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Doggish memories
I was thinking about my first dog, Gina, A black lab from GEB, I got her in the summer of 1998, almost 10 years ago. I was such a different person then, I guess 10 years makes quite a difference in someone's life. I was so shy; I tried so hard to fit in! I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and no real desire to do anything much with it. I went to college for something to do. So I could tell my parents and other people, "Look, I'm doing something with my life, but really I was just passing the time.
What, exactly is the point to all this pointless repining? you might be wondering?
Well, I'll tell you!
Having a dog in my life helped to give it structure, helped to give it balance! I so needed to be needed, and needed to be loved unconditionally, I didn't know it then, but even way back, 10 years ago, I was looking for God!! I didn't find him until 9 years later, but I found comfort in caring for my dog. She was such a friend as I never really had, always there to cry on, always there to hug when I needed it. I could be an ass, make the stupidest mistake, yell at her, and she'd still lick my face and reassure me that it was ok and always going to be ok! I was so close to that dog, she was my other half, my better half! She was a great guide, so precise, so spirited! I had her from July 98 to January 2001
Wayway too short! She died of a massive tumor that ate her chest cavity alive. We had it operated on, but the vicious thing came back only a month after. After her operation I decided to retire her. I retired her with my parents in mid January, and left to get chief in early February. While I was away, Gina lost all control of bladder and bowels; she couldn’t eat, and was just plain miserable!
My Parents made the decision to have her put to sleep. I felt awful! I had left her behind, just gone on and gotten another dog. I couldn’t even think, I was so full of shame, blaming my self for needing another dog, I felt like the lowest retch in the whole world!
I cried, I tried to console my self that she was in no more pain, but I still felt like a trader. Here I was getting another dog, and I had left my faithful friend to die alone!
Oh the remorse I fed myself was like poison. Meanwhile, I had this young dog to deal with. He was a handful, and so aloof. Gina had been a cuddler, a real love bug!
Meanwhile, I had this stupid new dog that needed so much of my time and energy and he didn’t love me, I was so sure of that.
He was a good worker though, so I convinced my self that I just needed a worker dog, I didn’t have to love him. You See, if I started to love him, I would become more of a trader. How could I love another dog? This one didn’t even give me a chance, The first time I tried to cuddle with hhim, he sprung up and moved to the far far end of his leash,as to say “what do you think you are doing, Get out of my personal space!!” I did end up finishing my training with Chief, and He has gone on to top the charts of my doggie experience. Never in all my life have I had a more confident dog, a stubborn one, but so confident, so full of his own sense of fun and adventure!
And you know what, Once in a while, he even lets me cuddle with him. On his terms of course, only when he feels like it, but he has certainly become more loving and I really love that guy! My time with Chief has been so full, Seven years, I can’t believe it. Such an adventure we’ve had. We’ve done some really stupid things together. Some really not so safe things, but it’s really been quite a ride!!!
I would trust this dog with my life, and have more times than I can count! I’ve crossed highways, flown to strange cities, walked down night shrouded streets in strange places, and been in some shady bus terminals all alone. But you know what, I wasn’t really alone, I had Chief by my side. I trained him to bark on command, and have used that when I felt vulnerable in strange circumstances. A big black dog, standing with a human with a laptop case is not an easy target for robbers and worse, but if that big black dog starts barking it makes the bad guys run even faster!
I’ve done so many things with this dog. I was just thinking, I’m in real trouble when I get my new dog. There Are routes that chief knows so well, that I sort of know. That I will some how have to train my new dog to do.
Chief seems like a miracle dog, He has had bumps, lumps, ear infections, and bladder infections, and self healed must of the time. I can remember when he had a strange lump on his tongue I had scheduled Sergery to remove it, and when I went to the vet for the preliminary visit, the vet told me “well, Chief doesn’t need surgery, he bit the lump off, and there are no traces of anything bad on his tongue anymore. This became his way, I’d think he had something wrong, take him to the vet, they’d say, he has this or that, and then we’d go back a week later, and what ever it was, was gone or didn’t need treatment.
Boy, I’ve really been rambling this morning, haven’t I!
Ok, Ok, that’s enough from me. More down memory lane later
What, exactly is the point to all this pointless repining? you might be wondering?
Well, I'll tell you!
Having a dog in my life helped to give it structure, helped to give it balance! I so needed to be needed, and needed to be loved unconditionally, I didn't know it then, but even way back, 10 years ago, I was looking for God!! I didn't find him until 9 years later, but I found comfort in caring for my dog. She was such a friend as I never really had, always there to cry on, always there to hug when I needed it. I could be an ass, make the stupidest mistake, yell at her, and she'd still lick my face and reassure me that it was ok and always going to be ok! I was so close to that dog, she was my other half, my better half! She was a great guide, so precise, so spirited! I had her from July 98 to January 2001
Wayway too short! She died of a massive tumor that ate her chest cavity alive. We had it operated on, but the vicious thing came back only a month after. After her operation I decided to retire her. I retired her with my parents in mid January, and left to get chief in early February. While I was away, Gina lost all control of bladder and bowels; she couldn’t eat, and was just plain miserable!
My Parents made the decision to have her put to sleep. I felt awful! I had left her behind, just gone on and gotten another dog. I couldn’t even think, I was so full of shame, blaming my self for needing another dog, I felt like the lowest retch in the whole world!
I cried, I tried to console my self that she was in no more pain, but I still felt like a trader. Here I was getting another dog, and I had left my faithful friend to die alone!
Oh the remorse I fed myself was like poison. Meanwhile, I had this young dog to deal with. He was a handful, and so aloof. Gina had been a cuddler, a real love bug!
Meanwhile, I had this stupid new dog that needed so much of my time and energy and he didn’t love me, I was so sure of that.
He was a good worker though, so I convinced my self that I just needed a worker dog, I didn’t have to love him. You See, if I started to love him, I would become more of a trader. How could I love another dog? This one didn’t even give me a chance, The first time I tried to cuddle with hhim, he sprung up and moved to the far far end of his leash,as to say “what do you think you are doing, Get out of my personal space!!” I did end up finishing my training with Chief, and He has gone on to top the charts of my doggie experience. Never in all my life have I had a more confident dog, a stubborn one, but so confident, so full of his own sense of fun and adventure!
And you know what, Once in a while, he even lets me cuddle with him. On his terms of course, only when he feels like it, but he has certainly become more loving and I really love that guy! My time with Chief has been so full, Seven years, I can’t believe it. Such an adventure we’ve had. We’ve done some really stupid things together. Some really not so safe things, but it’s really been quite a ride!!!
I would trust this dog with my life, and have more times than I can count! I’ve crossed highways, flown to strange cities, walked down night shrouded streets in strange places, and been in some shady bus terminals all alone. But you know what, I wasn’t really alone, I had Chief by my side. I trained him to bark on command, and have used that when I felt vulnerable in strange circumstances. A big black dog, standing with a human with a laptop case is not an easy target for robbers and worse, but if that big black dog starts barking it makes the bad guys run even faster!
I’ve done so many things with this dog. I was just thinking, I’m in real trouble when I get my new dog. There Are routes that chief knows so well, that I sort of know. That I will some how have to train my new dog to do.
Chief seems like a miracle dog, He has had bumps, lumps, ear infections, and bladder infections, and self healed must of the time. I can remember when he had a strange lump on his tongue I had scheduled Sergery to remove it, and when I went to the vet for the preliminary visit, the vet told me “well, Chief doesn’t need surgery, he bit the lump off, and there are no traces of anything bad on his tongue anymore. This became his way, I’d think he had something wrong, take him to the vet, they’d say, he has this or that, and then we’d go back a week later, and what ever it was, was gone or didn’t need treatment.
Boy, I’ve really been rambling this morning, haven’t I!
Ok, Ok, that’s enough from me. More down memory lane later
Thursday, March 20, 2008
e
Yesterday, I went and had my physical, they filled out the paperwork, and faxed it to GEB, Guiding Eyes for the Blind.
As I was sitting in the examining room waiting for the DR, I realized, this is real, It's really going to happen, I'm going through with it, I couldn't believe it. It hadn't really sunk in yet. But filling that particular form out is the last step. the last bit o formality that needed to happen. And now that it's done, wow! I'm not sure I'm ready.
Emotional state:
I'm not really feeling very emotional this morning, it could be because I just woke up, I'm usually a zomby in the morning. I think though that it's a level of protection my mind is fabricating to keep me from going to pieces. Yesterday, or was it the day before, I got a really nice note from Chief's puppy raiser that really touched me. I feel really releaved that there really looking forward to having him back, but they really understand how hard it's going to be. Not much for now, but when there's more, 'll let you all know
Keep me in your prayers
Thanks
As I was sitting in the examining room waiting for the DR, I realized, this is real, It's really going to happen, I'm going through with it, I couldn't believe it. It hadn't really sunk in yet. But filling that particular form out is the last step. the last bit o formality that needed to happen. And now that it's done, wow! I'm not sure I'm ready.
Emotional state:
I'm not really feeling very emotional this morning, it could be because I just woke up, I'm usually a zomby in the morning. I think though that it's a level of protection my mind is fabricating to keep me from going to pieces. Yesterday, or was it the day before, I got a really nice note from Chief's puppy raiser that really touched me. I feel really releaved that there really looking forward to having him back, but they really understand how hard it's going to be. Not much for now, but when there's more, 'll let you all know
Keep me in your prayers
Thanks
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Day before the next step
Well, tomorrow is the day when I get my physical, I'm not bothered by the actual physical, but it's just moving me one step closer to that day
May fifth seems so close and yet so far far away!
Things at my job continue to be interesting and ever changing, making this time in my life anything but calm and under control. I think Chief, my current guide is feeling my anxiety and stress, he seems odd lately, not totally connected to me anymore, but that could be me anthromorphizing, Putting people thoughts and emotions in to animals. Not much more to say, but I'll be glad when it's all over and the new dog and I are ssettling in.
Is that bad, I wonder if i should be feeling this way, I still love Chief, it's just that this time is hard and I can't stay so close to Chief that I will fall apart when I have to give him up, I'm purposely distanceing myself from him a bit,
Don't think I'm not loving him, ortaking care of him, but I'm just not letting him sleep with me, and I'm letting many people love him extra. I'll tell you a secret, I've been feeding him table scrpaps, nothing to major, just a bit o chicken here and there, or aa hard boiled eggg yoke, the middle part, I think that's the yoke? I can never remember. He seems a bit confused about it, but seems to like it.
That's all for now, more later.
May fifth seems so close and yet so far far away!
Things at my job continue to be interesting and ever changing, making this time in my life anything but calm and under control. I think Chief, my current guide is feeling my anxiety and stress, he seems odd lately, not totally connected to me anymore, but that could be me anthromorphizing, Putting people thoughts and emotions in to animals. Not much more to say, but I'll be glad when it's all over and the new dog and I are ssettling in.
Is that bad, I wonder if i should be feeling this way, I still love Chief, it's just that this time is hard and I can't stay so close to Chief that I will fall apart when I have to give him up, I'm purposely distanceing myself from him a bit,
Don't think I'm not loving him, ortaking care of him, but I'm just not letting him sleep with me, and I'm letting many people love him extra. I'll tell you a secret, I've been feeding him table scrpaps, nothing to major, just a bit o chicken here and there, or aa hard boiled eggg yoke, the middle part, I think that's the yoke? I can never remember. He seems a bit confused about it, but seems to like it.
That's all for now, more later.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Before the storm
This will be a place for me to create a journel of the experiences, emotions, and happenings surrounding getting a new guide dog, my third.
Process: this is aptly titled, it's before the storm, I've put in the application, got my start date, and now just need to get the medical form flled out. After that step, wich happens on wednesday, I will get my transportation situation taken care of.
I leave may 5 to begin this adventure
And still, another adventure is ending.
On that same day, I will retire My faithful guide dog chief who I have had the pleasure of having in my life for 7 years. God has really blessed me with this dog.
I can't help but think, right now, right this minute at the kennels there is a dog that is destined to be my new guide, what is this dog doing, what kind of dog will it be? male or female, black or yellow, or something in between. I must rely on the good folks at guideing eyes, GEB for making te right match. I will leave that in God's hands because he knows what I ned better even than I do.
The emotional state
At this time, I'm feeling nervous, excited, happy, sad, upset, and most other emotions all at once. WHen I let my self think about it, I can hardly function, so I just keep it business like, I think of the pieces as if there part of someone elses life, scheduling things bruskly, efficiently but not really feeling it.
As I right this post, I am really letting my self think about it and I can bearly type.
It's about a month and a half or so, give or take a few days, and I can hardly wait, and I dread it
The intervening schedule:
I have so much going on at work and at home, my work schedule is getting fuller by the day, I have several business trip coming up, some local, some out of state. This is good, it makes the time fly!
Well, I can't think of more to report at this time, but I'll let you all know what's happening as it happens. More after wednesday.
Process: this is aptly titled, it's before the storm, I've put in the application, got my start date, and now just need to get the medical form flled out. After that step, wich happens on wednesday, I will get my transportation situation taken care of.
I leave may 5 to begin this adventure
And still, another adventure is ending.
On that same day, I will retire My faithful guide dog chief who I have had the pleasure of having in my life for 7 years. God has really blessed me with this dog.
I can't help but think, right now, right this minute at the kennels there is a dog that is destined to be my new guide, what is this dog doing, what kind of dog will it be? male or female, black or yellow, or something in between. I must rely on the good folks at guideing eyes, GEB for making te right match. I will leave that in God's hands because he knows what I ned better even than I do.
The emotional state
At this time, I'm feeling nervous, excited, happy, sad, upset, and most other emotions all at once. WHen I let my self think about it, I can hardly function, so I just keep it business like, I think of the pieces as if there part of someone elses life, scheduling things bruskly, efficiently but not really feeling it.
As I right this post, I am really letting my self think about it and I can bearly type.
It's about a month and a half or so, give or take a few days, and I can hardly wait, and I dread it
The intervening schedule:
I have so much going on at work and at home, my work schedule is getting fuller by the day, I have several business trip coming up, some local, some out of state. This is good, it makes the time fly!
Well, I can't think of more to report at this time, but I'll let you all know what's happening as it happens. More after wednesday.
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